Called Sarah today, needed to tell her about breakthroughs with Briggs, knowing full well how it would strike her. Want to stay as closer as we are now, as we were on Fillmore. Don't want her to feel rejected.

She has learned she is a healer. She heals sadness, doles out joy, has an unlimited supply of undiluted uncomplicated bliss. (Who heals the healer?)

Even now my experience of that joy, made manifest between Briggs and myself, is haunted with, not guilt, but sadness. I am an instrument of pain.