So Janis and I say goodbye to our dear and most generous Nevadan pal, Laurel, as she drops us off at the Las Vegas airport where we board our uneventful flight back to San Jose. We partake of ONE in-flight libation apiece - a beer. We arrive to a gloriously sun-splashed South Bay eventide where we catch a shuttlebus to the long-term parking lot. As we are disembarking, I manage to unsuccessfully negotiate the final step of the shuttle, launching myself and my bags most ungracefully to the pavement. Writhing in excruciating agony, I flop about in an attempt to keep myself from losing the tasty apricot scone I had enjoyed earlier that day in the New York New York Hotel. And to stave off the almost certain loss of consciousness I am about to experience when someone douses my head with a bottle of Evian as I simultaneously wet my pants (I cannot believe I have actually divulged this info to everyone I've told this story to). Janis, meanwhile, is wheezing asthmatically in a most
serious fashion and, as distant sirens become clearer, I consider loading HER into the ambulance making its way to me, accompanied by a fire engine and two police cars. After what seems both an eternity and a mere moment (I am in shock), I am loaded into the ambulance for a 30 minute ride (and thank God, it wasn't rush hour) to El Camino Hospital's ER
where I spend the next three hours waiting to see a doctor who spends two and a half minutes telling me nothing is broken, see ya. I am offered an ace bandage and an opportunity to sign my name to a document releasing the hospital from any liability concerning their treatment of my injury or whatever it is, because you never really read the entire 3-pages of gobbledygook anyway. Did I mention that while the aforementioned physician was tending to me, his attention was drawn to Janis' severe coughing and they entered into a discussion about her medication, convincing me I should admit her to the hospital immediately. If course, Janis would have none of it and heroically chauffeured me to her house where we spent the evening painfully, thus ending a most unforgettable celebration of our fortieth birthdays.