by Steve Emerson

Did you hear about the killing?

No. Tell me about it.

A man went into a building and killed 20 people.

I thought it was 30 people.

The fatality count is currently 32 and we will be updating you with the latest on this station.

My on earth! My husband was mowing the lawn and I was in the kitchen.

I'm not happy with my husband.

Although theories on social pathology have developed within both the psychological and sociological domains, little effort has been made to integrate them.

I'm gonna smack you.

What did he kill them with?

An automatic, or so they say.

Where is my Romeo?

Honey! Answer the phone!

Yes but why did he kill them?


Social disintegration or alienation can manifest in withdrawal or deviant behavior. What determines the specific mode of behavior warrants further investigation.


What did you say to me?

I was wondering if maybe you would like to see a movie see a flick at the movies...you know...or maybe something else...anything... what do you wanna do?

My husband was outside, and I was in the kitchen.

Who left the TV on? Why are the TV and radio and stereo on all at the same time? What's the matter with you people?



You fell asleep while I was talking to you!

32 people exactly, and 7 in Intensive Care.

This movie is boring.

Let's do something.

Where's my Romeo?

He already left.

My husband reads Stephen King while mowing the lawn.

Once upon a time I looked for a job.

What's the score?

He killed 32. He was a real crazy person.

Actually, while reading Stephen King and mowing the lawn, he once ran over the cat. I was in the kitchen and saw it all.

I don't like Stephen King. I like Agatha Christie.

Shut the fuck up. I've taken shit all day today and I'm not taking any from you.

My what a nice young boy you have there. And what do you want to do when you grow up?

I was kinda wondering if you'd like to go out with me.

Did he kill everyone?

No, it's not fattening. You can even have it for a snack and still stay under the calorie limit.

Where's my Romeo?

Over here, babe.

I like to eat ice cream. When my husband is mowing the lawn and reading Stephen King, I sneak it from the freezer.

One shouldn't assume the cause of any violent behavior without investigating the entire life circumstances of the individual in question.

At this time your work is satisfactory but specific improvements need to be made.

My plan is to become stinking rich and then retire.

A dreamer!

So go out with me. What else are you going to do?

Please go to the end of the line.

Did he shoot them all at once or what?

Find a man who has something to offer.

My husband mows the lawn, and I eat ice cream all the time.

He shot them sporadically.

Why is everybody moving to this town? There's nothing here.

I think my Romeo left me.

Sorry, babe.

Functionalist theory in the field of clinical psychology owes its existence to the ideas of the sociologist Talcott Parsons.

Once upon a time I drove on the freeway.

Didn't I tell you to shut up?

I awoke and watched Sally Jessy Rafael.

The women were screaming and some men hid under their desks.

I fell in love with her on my day job. She fell in love with him on her night job.

Why won't you go out with me? Do I look like a loser?

I can't stand all this noise. Somebody tell them to shut the fuck up.

Whatcha doin', kid?

I'm looking for bottle caps.

My husband? Romantic? Ha ha ha ha ha.

According to authorities, the gunman was a Thomas Haas, 39 years old, who was recently unemployed and was disgruntled.

Do you think I'm overweight?

Not at all! How about me? Am I overweight?

I like to eat ice cream. My husband mows the lawn.

You had better start doing something with your life.

There's nothing to do.

Get off your ass and do something.

She reads romance novels and won't go out with men.

Fear of intimacy can be caused by child abuse or arrested psychosocial development during adolescence.

According to investigators, the gunman said in a calm voice, "This is the end" and proceeded to fire upon the crowd.

He wasn't a screaming lunatic?

Actually, some of the most violent psychopaths are perfectly calm.

It was a pleasant day in the neighborhood.

We looked for bottle caps.

I think maybe my thighs are too fat.

My under-chin is getting flabby.

Get your ass in here or you're going to get it!

Where are all the romantic men? That's what I really want to know.

My husband likes to mow the lawn every day. I don't know why.

My husband watches TV constantly.

He had the same automatic machine gun used by the Green Berets.

Was he in the Army?

No, he was a middle manager.

My husband didn't consider my needs. He was always thinking of himself first.

I won't marry again.

Can I feel up your dress?

If you don't like your job, find a new one. Deal with it and stop whining.

I don't know why I eat so much ice cream. My under-chin is getting flabby.

He's my fifth boyfriend.

Get in the goddamed house or I'm going to smack you!

We were looking for bottle caps.

Does this mean I have to worry about being machine-gunned?

Not if you work hard. If you work hard, the chances are good that you will have food on the table.

I don't think my Romeo was really my Romeo. He was somebody else looking for somebody else.

That's rude!

Give it to me.

You can't have it.

Shut the fuck up.

Are there any good movies?

My husband doesn't kiss me anymore.

We will update you on this tragedy as we learn more.

My my my. Such a beautiful boy. Why is he in the street?

He's looking for bottle caps.

My husband mows the lawn, and I eat ice cream.

Shut the fuck up, lady! I'm sick of hearing your idiotic CRAP!

Why can't everyone be nice?

Where is my Romeo? I'm writing a song about it.

"Where is My Romeo" was a Top 10 song last year.

I didn't know. Then I'll call it "Where is My Prince".

Go to the vocational counselor if you don't know what to do.

I did and there's nothing to do.

Get off your butt and get out there and work! You think someone's going to take care of you?

She wasn't wearing any panties either.

Did you find any bottle caps, little one?

Once upon a time I awoke and saw a crowd of people running toward me.

Social reconstructionism has it roots in the biological sciences. Societies can heal themselves following a dynamic similar to cellular repair.

Then are there social lymphomas too?

I didn't find any bottle caps, just a bunch of broken glass. After dinner me and Jerry are going to Eighth Street to look some more.

No you're not. You're going to do your homework like I told you.

'Cmon babe, lets go somewhere.

Is she wearing panties?

The time to start saving for your retirement is now.

I'm sure the families of the victims are upset.

When my husband mows the lawn, he reads Stephen King, and I am in the kitchen eating ice cream.

My Romeo? He's gone.

Copyright © 1997
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